30 Life Lessons On My 30th Birthday

I turned 30 today.  The big 3-0.  I have never been one to bemoan birthdays or growing older, but I must admit that 30 threw me for a loop.

This birthday was somewhat emotional for me.  I am not completely sure why, but I suspect it may be because I did not really think I'd live to see 30.  I thought I'd be dead instead of celebrating a birthday, and I nearly was.  I won't regale you with the details of my near-death pregnancy, labor, and delivery--but let's just say it was a close call.

Near death experiences make you reflective.  I think turning 30 must have that affect on you too.  So I spent my day deep in self-reflection.  I am not where I thought I'd be professionally.  I am in career limbo at the moment.  I was a bit upset about this at first.  But then I realized something--something pretty amazing.

I'm somewhere I never even dared hope to be personally.  I was always afraid of marriage and real commitment.  I know that sounds strange. I married young and got divorced several years later.  I married safe the first time around.  That's a horrible thing to say, but it's true.  I was scared to really put myself out there.  But I did finally put myself out there--really out there--into a relationship that carries enough emotion that this man could break me.  Now I am married to the love of my life.  I never thought that would happen.  I was told I would never have children.  Now I have three.  I was told I'd never be able to get pregnant.  Not only did I get pregnant, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl I've ever laid eyes on and I survived!  We own a house.  We have two cars that run.  We have everything we need and a few of the things we want.  In my 29th year I learned to redefine success, and this new definition brought me happiness and enlightenment.  I'm a very blessed, very loved 30 year old woman.  I am embracing 30 for the miracle and opportunity it is.  So here are 30 things I learned before I turned 30:

1. Liquor before beer, never fear.  Beer before liquor, never sicker.  I learned this at a party when I was 20.  Yes, I know you should not drink at 20. I will never forget this valuable lesson.  You shouldn't either.

2. Sometimes it's better not to follow the rules. 

3. When you do every single thing the way society says you are supposed to, you make choices you will regret later and get hung up on a lot of things that really don't matter much in the long run.  I wish I had gone to a community college and transferred into a 4 year school later.  I would have saved money, and employers do not care.  I wouldn't have married the first man I ever slept with.  I would have done something stupid like max out a credit card to go to Europe for a summer.

4. Live more, worry less.

5. Education really does change you. I will never regret going to college.  I may regret the debt, but never the choice to go.  Education makes you a better, more compassionate person. I truly believe that.  When you better yourself, you better your world.  You should always seek to grow and learn, every day in every way you can.

6. Life is not a promise, it is a gift.  You are not guaranteed tomorrow.  Try to find positivity and joy in every day.

7. Animals really can be your best friends.

8. The hardest thing in the world is to leave your comfort zone.  It is also the most rewarding thing.

9. If you are kind that kindness comes back to you when you need it most.  The same goes with generosity.

10. You CAN go home again. Sometimes right back where you started is exactly where you belong.

11.  Love is everything. Nothing is anything without love.

12.  Friendship is better than chocolate.

13. Chocolate is better than almost everything else. Except sex. Sex is better than chocolate.

14. Snuggling a sleeping infant will heal almost all wounds--at least for a little while.

15. Watching your children grow, hearing them laugh, feeling their hugs--oh, it will make your heart grow bigger than you ever knew it could be.  You will love them more than you knew it was possible to love.

16. Read. Read often. Read diversely.  Read to learn. Read to love. Read to escape. Just read.  Reading is an adventure.

17. You want to be more beautiful? Laugh.  Big belly laughs. Guffaw.  You will be beautiful.

18. Embrace your body.  It's the only one you've got.  Take care of it.  Love it. Learn its curves or its plains and be proud of it.  Beauty is more than skin deep. 

19. Forgive.  Forgiveness releases you from hurt and anger and pain you didn't even know you were still holding on to.  Let it go. 

20. If you say you can't, you won't. If you say you can, you will.

21. Surround yourself with people who love your quirks. 

22. Say thank you.  Mean it.

23. Coconut oil is the most awesome stuff on the planet. You can do almost anything with it.  Seriously! Google it.

24. Give. Give what you have when you have it.  If you have nothing, give support and a smile. It goes further than you think it does.

25. Snow is the most beautiful when it is the least expected, and here in the south where it is never really expected it seems magical. 

26. If you let yourself believe in miracles you just might get one.

27. Words have power. Use them wisely.

28. Children emulate your behavior--good or bad.  Show them who you want them to be and they'll be that.

29. Paint--even if you suck at it. Dance--even if you have no rhythm. Sing--even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket.  Why? Because it is fun to be creative, and you're the only person who needs to enjoy your creativity.

30. Happiness can be a choice.  Choose it.

Born to Do

This weekend was one of those busy, non-stop, can't-rest, keep-going kind of weekends.  It was the kind of weekend where your feet hurt and you are so tired at the end of the day you crawl into bed still clothed and don't even care.  It was the kind of memorable weekend that you never, ever forget.

We drove two hours to see our eldest daughter across state lines where she lives with her mother.  We took the girls to that parental hell otherwise known as Chuck E Cheese, and then to Denny's to eat.  They fed the games tokens, and, because they are girls, mostly kept busy by riding the fake pony and taking pictures in the photo booths.  They rarely wanted to play anything competitive that would actually earn them tickets they could trade in for goodies.  So my husband and I fed the games tokens and won them tickets.  The baby sat in the stroller, eyes wide, mesmerized by the loud sounds and smells and flashing lights and people inside Chuck E Cheese.

They sat next to one another in the booth at Denny's coloring and telling one another silly stories punctuated by the shrill laughter only little girls have.  The baby snuggled in her Daddy's lap, and I ate very fattening pancakes smothered in chocolate and peanut butter sauce. 

 Ava gave me a hug in the parking lot, whispering, "I can't wait to stay the night again," and my heart grew bigger.

We dropped Ava back at her mom's and then began the long drive home.  On the way back we stopped at Tanger Outlets to do some shopping, and we took our birthday girl (who turns 5 next weekend when she will be at her mom's) to The Children's Place to buy a dress.  I took her into the fitting room to try on clothes and my heart grew bigger as I watched her giggle and twirl and grin at herself in the mirror.  She turned to glance at me over her shoulder, "I love you, Mama Jenn.  This is the best day ever!"  And it was.

We had an impromptu surprise party for Issa at the park the next day.  As she rounded the corner with her dad and saw me standing there, surrounded by people, holding a cupcake with a giant purple 5 candle on it, her face broke into a wide smile.  "Mama Jenn!" she gasped, delighted. 

And as we ate our dinner that night Freyja giggled loudly from her bouncy seat, occasionally shrieking with glee.  And Issa smiled up at me and said, "Mama Jenn, this was the best day ever," and it was. 

Of course my weekend was interspersed with redirecting bickering children to more worthwhile conversation, wiping snotty noses and messy faces, and helping Issa "shake it off" after she fell and scared herself at the park.  But these duties came as effortlessly to me as breathing, and I barely noticed them amid the delighted squeals and happy faces of my smiling children.

And as I lay in bed last night it dawned on me, as it often does, that I was born to be their mother.  It is my highest calling in this life, and it is my greatest blessing.