Communication

Effective communication is very important.  It is important in business.  It is important in personal relationships.  It is vital to being a productive adult.  Unfortunately, many adults seem to be incapable of effective communication.  Many adults engage in petty passive aggressive (and quite frankly immature) modes of communication.

He said she said is not a game adults should participate in.  If the information isn't first hand then you should not believe it.  It really is that simple.  If you do not actually hear a person utter the words with your own ears then it does not matter how much you trust your second hand source you simply should not form opinions based on it. 

I find it disappointing that I feel the need to explain why adults should not form opinions based on second hand communication, but it needs to be done.  First, you don't actually know what was said.  Whatever Person B says Person A said is not an exact rephrasing of the original words spoken.  Second, you have no way of knowing the context in which those words were originally spoken.  Third, you have no way of knowing Person B's feelings toward Person A.  What if Person B dislikes Person A?  Do you really want to allow a biased opinion to effect your own opinion? 

He said she said is no way to communicate.  If you think about this objectively then you should be able to see that you really don't know what was actually said.  You really don't know how something was said or what a person meant by it if you don't hear them say it themselves.  You know forming opinions based on he said she said is immature.  You know it.  Don't you?

So why do you do it?  Why feed the trolls?  If you find yourself becoming angry about something someone else says a person said once upon a time, ask yourself a question:  did you hear the person you're angry with actually say something offensive?  Have you spoken to this person?  Have you even bothered to hear their side of the story?  Do you really think it fair to judge a person based on something someone else says about them?  Do you think that is a mature thing to do?  Do you have a right to hurt a person's reputation by spreading rumors or worse, by believing them.

Effective communication is open and honest.  If you are an adult you should be capable of approaching another adult to begin a conversation--even an uncomfortable conversation.  You should be capable of speaking about grievances in a calm and rational manner.  You should want to communicate openly and honestly.  You should want to work out your differences.  You should want to avoid behaving hurtfully toward another adult.  You should want to engage in intelligent conversation in order to learn and grow as a human being.  You should want those things.  Don't you think so? 

If you have not been communicating effectively then I urge you to do so.  How hard is a simple conversation?  You don't know what the other person will say.  You might think you know, but you don't know and you won't know until you actually speak to them.  You don't know what was said in a he said she said situation--you might think you do, but you don't know--do you?  No.  Of course not. 

If you are an adult, act like one. It is never too late to engage in active and intelligent communication.  It is never too late to right a wrong or apologize for feelings you may have hurt.  It is never too late to grow up and act like the grown human being you are. We are not in high school.  We are not teenagers.  We know how to behave.  Communicate effectively.  Don't feed the trolls.