Life Works Out

This morning I found out I did not get a job that I really wanted.  I made it through 3 interviews and I was one of the last 3 candidates standing. There were roughly 300 applicants so I suppose I should be proud of that.  I have to admit though, I experienced a moment of bitter disappointment.

Then it struck me....maybe I hadn't really wanted that job so much after all.  I wasn't disappointed that I wouldn't get to do the job.  I was disappointed that the committee hadn't chosen me.  I think if I had really wanted the job I would have been disappointed at not getting the job, not at not being selected by a bunch of board members.  

The job is also located about an hour drive from my house.  The whole time I was waiting to find out if I got the job I found myself dreading the idea of an hour commute rather than relishing the possibility I might get to work at this particular place. 

I also spent the better part of my time upset that if I did get the job I might feel obligated to stick around here longer than I want to.  I want to move away from my current location and I want to do it as soon as humanly possible.  I also want to move in the complete opposite direction of the place where this job was located.  I felt I would be going backwards and the thought of moving to the place the job is located--10 minutes from my hometown--seriously made me hyperventilate. 

So this morning, after feeling a wave of disappointment that lasted perhaps two minutes, I finally allowed myself to admit that I had not actually wanted this particular job for any reason other than monetary gain....and perhaps monetary gain is not the right reason to go after a job. 

This wasn't the job for me.  It's hard to admit that, but it's true.  This just wasn't the job for me.  The universe knew that even if I didn't.  Life works out.