Who Are You

"Who are you?"

That's a loaded question, isn't it?  It should have a simple answer....but it doesn't.  There are so many different ways to answer such a question.

"I'm Jennifer."

But what does that really mean?  Is that enough of an answer?  *shaking my head*  Nope.   Most of the time people feel the need to qualify that with something else. "I'm Jennifer and I'm a writer."  Oh wait.  I don't really get paid to do that.  "I'm Jennifer and I work at a community college."  In fact, if I didn't qualify it then most of you would ask, "So what do you do?"

What do I do?  "I'm Jennifer and I read a lot."  "I'm Jennifer and I dance around the house in my underwear singing loudly and quite off key to Adele."  "I"m Jennifer and I write blogs some people find amusing sometimes." Oh wait!  I know!  "I'm Jennifer and I'm in grad school so right now I have no life."

How about, "I'm Jennifer and I don't really know who I am yet."  Is that okay?  What's with the judgement?  Why do I have to have some neatly packaged answer that sums up my identity in two sentences?  Why does anybody?

If I say, "I'm Jennifer and I work at a community college," then CorporateMan usually asks, "So are you climbing that ladder?"  What ladder?  What the fuck are you people talking about?  For God's sake!  I don't want to climb any ladder!  I most especially don't want to climb this one.  Why am I even talking to you?

If I say, "I'm Jennifer and I'm a writer," that's usually followed by, "Oh so what have you written?  Anything I know?"  Probably not seeing as how my only published works at this time are poetry and articles in academic journals you've likely never heard of.  I don't ask you, "Oh so you're a teacher.  Teach any lesson plans I've heard of?"  Or "Oh so you're a financial advisor.  Have you just thrown all your papers in the air and said 'Look at the stock market!  Nobody has any idea what the hell is going on.  Advise yourself asshole!"  


Sometimes I say, "I'm Jennifer and I'm in grad school."  That tends to be followed by, "Oh so what do you want to do when you're done with that?"  Maybe I'll never be done with that. Maybe I'll be a lifelong student.  Maybe I'll collect degrees like other people collect shoes.  Hey, you work at the mall.  So what do you want to do when you're done with that?  Oh what--I'm not supposed to say that?  I just figured we were both ambitious....

 As a woman I've found the first thing other women say to me is, "I'm GenericLady and I have 2.5 kids and a dog. His name is Obligatory and I don't really like to play with him, but hey--everybody else has one."  Then GenericLady babbles on about PrincessGoodypants' dance lessons and how her daughter is the next Prima Ballerina.  She proceeds to tell me about CarObsessedKarateBoy and how he's a genius who will cure cancer and fly to outer-space, all while delivering babies in some remote village in Africa.  All of this occurs while PrincessGoodypants is smearing GenericLady's lipstick all over her little face and CarObsessedKarateBoy is picking his nose.  

Then GenericLady beams at me and says, "So how many kids do you have?"  Oh CRAP.  I pull my lips into a fake smile that surely looks more like a sneer and then I say, "Oh, I don't have any children."  GenericLady makes a judgmental hmmmm sound and then says, "Oh well.  That's alright.  I'm sure you'll have one soon."  She proceeds to smile smugly and invite me to drop by her cookie cutter house before climbing into her SUV and calling her closest friend from her Mommy and Me Group on her iphone to gossip about the selfish woman she just met who dared to not have children despite being married and owning a house. 

I'm Jennifer.  What do I do?  Lots of things.  What is my job?  That changes sometimes, but it's not who I am.  Who am I? I think I'll let you figure that part out all by yourself...