Skin

When I was a child my grandmother used to tell me that beauty was only skin deep.  She didn't want me to be conceited or superficial.  She strove to teach me that a woman's worth lies in her intelligence and her compassion, not in boobs and a pretty face.  In middle school when I had to start dressing out in gym class and I came home embarrassed because I didn't want the other girls to realize how painfully flat chested I was she said, "Those girls might make fun of you for not having boobs, but remember boobs will only get a woman so far in life.  Intelligence will get you further than any set of big boobs ever will." I thought she was crazy.  I didn't want to get far in life.  I just wanted a nice set of hooters. Eventually, these lessons she tried so hard to teach me would stick though and I would know she was right.

My grandfather was equally influential.  He wanted me to know that a good man would want me for my mind and he told me more than once that I didn't need a man to go far.  He would say, "Pumpkin, you can do it all on your own.  You're smart.  Men are dumb."  When my first high school boyfriend broke my heart by cheating on me it was my grandpa who told me to dry up those tears. He said, "Any boy dumb enough to let you go doesn't deserve you. You're too smart to sit here crying over a dumbass."  He was right.

We all go through awkward phases, times when we're just not comfortable in our own skin.  In middle school I had acne.  Little red dots decorated my forehead.  I was fully convinced I resembled a connect the dots sheet.  It was awful.  Most of the other girls in my class developed early and had giant knockers by the time we were 13.  I was flat as a board and thin as a rail.  I didn't weigh 90 pounds until high school.

The summer before heading to freshman year my acne cleared up and I began to discover I was pretty. Lots of people thought I was pretty.  I was fairly self confident for a teenage girl.  However, I remained self conscious about certain aspects of my appearance.  I was still incredibly thin and mostly boobless.  While other girls my age worried about being fat I tried to pack on the pounds, convinced if I could just gain a little weight I'd suddenly have Marilyn Monroe sized breasts.  I never did gain weight (or get big ol' boobs).  The day I graduated high school I weighed 98 pounds. 

College brought new challenges.  Other girls thought I should wear makeup--something I never did much of even in high school.  Some girls thought I should wear lower cut shirts.  Uh hello--I've got no "assets" to show off there.  No low cut shirts for me!  Some of my fellow classmates wanted me to pledge sororities with them.  I refused.  I told one girl I thought the sorority girls were "vapid." She then informed me that I "talked funny" and I was "too smart".  I had a few other girls give me helpful advice---I should be dumber.  Apparently boys didn't want smart girls.

Fortunately for me, I had 18 years of my grandparents' voices in my head telling me intelligence trumped beauty.  I had also developed a self confidence associated with my intelligence instead of my looks by this point.  I didn't take any of the above listed advice. I went to my 8 AM classes in my pajamas.  I only wore makeup on stage in theatrical productions.  I never pledged a sorority.  Instead I earned my way into three honors societies, two of which claimed former presidents as members. 

As an adult, I have seen some women skate by on their looks.  These women get ahead in ways I consider unethical.  It used to infuriate me.  Then one day I realized something. These women will eventually lose their smooth skin and their giant breasts will one day sag.  What will they do then?  When outward beauty has deserted them and they are left not knowing how to survive simply on their own intelligence?  Now I pity them.

I am 27 years old now.  I have learned that true beauty is not skin deep. True beauty has nothing to do with what your skin looks like--it has to do with being comfortable in your own skin. True beauty shines forth from your soul.  True beauty is evident in the selflessness of your actions, in your compassion for the other living things on this planet.  True beauty is a good sense of humor, a crisp autumn day, and a good glass of wine shared with friends who make you smile.  True beauty is love and sorrow and laughter and tears and death and life and everything in between.