New Year--New Me (Kinda)

Last year was not a terrible year.  There wasn't anything in particular about 2011 that made it awful or unbearable.  It wasn't the worst year ever, but it ended on a sour note for me.   2011 ended horribly.  The last 3 months or so of 2011 were dreadful, miserable months. 

I was in emotional turmoil.  I was sad and distraught and angry. My life was in flux. My life is still in flux.

Drastic change is never pleasant for me.  I don't like change.  I like stability.  I am habitual, ritualistic about my life.  I have daily routines that make me feel safe and peaceful.

I wake up and make myself a cup of hot tea.  I sit in silence in my living room, checking my email and sipping my tea peacefully.  That's how I start my day.  I end my day the same way. When I don't start/end my day that way I feel completely discombobulated--unbalanced, unsafe, unstable. I suspect I might have a mild case of OCD.  Anyway....

Those routines have been interrupted.  My life is turned upside-down and inside-out and topsy-turvy. 

My year is beginning with an ending.  I sobbed when the ball dropped.  I brought in my new year with tears.  I have high hopes I will end the year with smiles and laughter. 

This year is going to be a year of transformation for me.  It will be a year of great change, and hopefully great successes and eventual bliss. 

I think I'll take my cue from Sir Alfred, Lord Tennyson:

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

May you all do the same.  Happy New Year.