Bliss

Bliss:  (n.) supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment

"When you follow your bliss doors will open where you would not have

thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't

be a door for anyone else." 

--Joseph Campbell

Once upon a time there was a girl who foolishly believed she knew what happiness was and how to achieve it.  She plotted a map to Happiness and set about on her journey. This girl grew into a woman and she allowed her own misconceptions and fears to steer her in all the wrong directions.  She thought she knew where she was going, but somehow her sail became furled and she failed to notice, so she was blown far off course.  This lost and wandering girl-turned-woman was me.  

I was silly enough to pin my contentment upon material goods and all the Dick and Jane trappings society seems to dictate we "need" to be happy.  I had the big, beautiful house. I had the fenced in yard. I had the husband with a good job and a good sense of humor.  I had a dog. I had running shoes. I had a huge television and radio blaring music I enjoyed. I had a porch swing and sweet smelling flowers and a seasonal flag hanging from the side of my house. I had two cars--one new. I had a college degree and a career. I had smiling pictures in frames. I had wine and rows of bookshelves brimming with dreams I'd forgotten long ago....

I had it all, and yet I had nothing. I was discontent. I was not happy. I was simply going through the motions while other people envied this existence they really had no understanding of in the first place.  I had a fake smile and a forced laugh and a misery rooted deep inside my soul.  

So one day I woke up, utterly trapped inside this Dick and Jane life I had created for myself--and I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't see myself anymore.  I lost something vital.  I lost that something that made me me.  I wanted out.  So I left it all behind.  I left all those things everyone thinks you need to be happy.  I discovered a new kind of fear, a new brand of misery.  I floundered. I flailed.  I found my footing.  

I found my feet and that I could stand on them all by myself.  I found myself living in a house that was not so big or beautiful as the one I left behind.  I found myself without a fenced in yard and a dog. I found myself without the husband and the two cars, and then I found myself without any car at all.  I found myself without a career and I found myself unpacking books and dreams in a place I never thought I'd be.  I found that I wanted to find my bliss. I haven't found it yet, but I have found some happiness and some joy along the way.  Best of all, however, best of all.....I've found me.