Forgiveness

"I forgive you / We were just a couple of kids/ trying to figure out how to live/ doing it our way/ no shame, no blame/ 'Cause the damage is done/ And I forgive you./ I forgive you/ we were busy living the dream/ Never noticed the glass ceiling falling in on us/ No shame, no blame/ 'Cause the damage is done/ And I forgive you./ I forgive you, I forgive me/ Now do I start to feel again?" 

I am moving into a space of forgiveness.

I have been angry for too long. Angry at myself for getting married when I probably shouldn't have.  Angry at my ex for somehow not being what I needed him to be.  Angry at myself for expecting him to be something he wasn't and for trying so hard to be something I wasn't.  Angry at the world for wanting me to fit into some nice, neat little box when I just don't know how to meet society's ridiculous expectations anyway.  Angry in general. 

Then I would somehow alternate to a place of despair and darkness.  I would wonder what was so wrong with me that I just couldn't love this perfectly nice man and make it work.  I would be sad that I'd somehow failed at something.  I'd be sad that my life was changing and I was losing pieces of myself here and there and everywhere. 

Then I'd be angry again.

Now I'm learning to accept these emotions as they come.  I let myself feel them without remorse and then I move forward--because that's the only way worth going right now.  I am moving into a healthy space, a good place, now.  I am moving into a space of forgiveness.  I am letting go of the anger and the sorrow and the confusion.  I am letting go of the hurt and all of the negativity.  I am embracing peace and forgiving myself for this divorce. I am forgiving M. too.  I deserve to be forgiven in return, but he'll have to get there on his own.  I can accept that too. 

I think I'm getting my groove back.  I've learned what I needed to learn from this.  I am still learning new things every day. I am finally at peace with this divorce and the major changes I've brought to my own existence by severing a relationship that needed to be ended.  I am moving back into myself--into being who I am unapologetically and without question.  I am happy to have some peace back. Forgiveness is refreshing.