It is no secret that I am getting a divorce. Not that it's anyone else's business, but my marriage didn't work in large part because I got married at 20 years old and as we grew up we grew into different people, people who were not compatible. There are lots of other reasons I'm getting divorced, but those aren't really your business either.
I am getting tired of "friends"and strangers saying really crappy things to me about my divorce, so I've compiled a list for you. These are things you should NEVER say to anyone who is getting a divorce, and if you are stupid enough to say them to me after I post them then you should run away very quickly because I promise you, no matter who you are, I'm going to smack you full in the face as you soon as you say it.
Things NOT to say to someone getting a divorce:
1. When I get married I'm going to do it right and I'm only going to do it once.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard this from my unmarried friends. Here is my response: You are not married. You have never been married. I don't care if you are shacking up with your significant other. You are NOT married. You have no idea what it means to be legally beholden to another human being (who is not your child). You don't know what it takes to make a marriage work because you are not now nor have you ever been married.
You were not living inside my marriage. You have no idea what went on behind closed doors. You have no idea what was "right" or "wrong" with my marriage. I may be getting a divorce, but that doesn't mean I did something horribly wrong to screw up my marriage. What it means is I married someone who I am no longer compatible with and I was smart enough to figure that out and leave.
2. I don't know why you didn't leave sooner. You should have.
No, you don't. You don't know why I didn't leave and I do not owe you an explanation. I left when I left. I tried to make it work. It didn't work. The point is that I did leave and that's all that matters. You don't get to tell me what I "should" have done or what you would have done because you really don't know.
3. At least you don't have kids.
So does that mean my divorce is somehow less life changing? No. Does it mean filing for divorce was easier for me because I don't have kids? No. Does it mean I'll never have to see him again? Probably not. We'll probably run into each other. There will still be awkwardness.
4. I don't believe in divorce.
Good for you. Don't get one. Also, screw you. I didn't ask for your approval and I don't want it. I don't believe in idiotic remarks, but you're standing here saying that to me so I guess we both just have to deal.
5. I don't think you should date until your divorce is final.
Well then I guess I'll go live in a nunnery for the year or two it'll take me to legally sever a union that I shouldn't have made in the first place just to make you happy. I guess I should be sitting my a rain streaked window madly pining away for a love that didn't exist and a relationship that wasn't a good one.
6. You should have done more to save your marriage.
Like what? Jump through flaming hoops of fire like a circus animal? Oh I know! I should have come to you for counseling even though you aren't a therapist and you're single.
7. Oh my god! What about the cats and the dog?
What about them? Are you suggesting I should stay married to make my animals happy? Do you know how crazy you sound?
8. You should be single for a while. You clearly need time to learn how to have real relationships.
And you should glue your mouth shut because you clearly don't know how to avoid saying stupid shit. I can assure you my marriage was very real. That's why it's taking so long to legally end it. Also, you don't know my mental/emotional state so you can't very well tell me I should be single or be anything else.
I'm sure there are plenty more, but this will do for now. If you have divorced or soon to be divorced friends please be supportive and try not to be an asshat.
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