Homosexuality

Earlier this month one of my professors very bravely "came out" in the New York Times.  I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big deal.  I think the raw nerve required to come out so openly in such a huge publication deserves to be lauded.  Instead, my professor is being bashed for her views.

I find myself upset and personally affronted that people are being so rude about the article she wrote.  Her names is Dr. Karen L. Cox.  She is a woman I greatly admire and respect, and despite the fact that she can be a real hard ass in the classroom--she is someone I am proud to call my friend.

I have frequently told other students, "Yes. Dr. Cox is a hard ass.  She will be tough on you and she will expect a lot out of you, but she won't expect anything you can't give. She might piss you off eventually, but I promise you that you are going to learn something from her."  And you will learn something from her.  You will learn something from her because she doesn't allow anyone to just skate by, and I personally would rather have a professor who is hard on me and pushes me to do my best than one who just lets me get by with minimal effort.  I learn more that way.  She's also pretty good at doling out advice, and I appreciate the honesty she has offered me on several occasions.

I truthfully debated even writing this post.  There are people in my department, particularly other students, who may interpret this as kissing up or brown nosing and I really don't want to be seen that way.  That isn't what this is.  I chose to write this post because I am personally offended by some of the comments I've seen regarding her article. I am personally offended that people think it is acceptable to basically say "Well that isn't my experience so your experience must not be true."  I am offended that people think "Hey! My experience negates your experience."  That is not how the world works.  As a born and bred Southerner, I am also horribly offended that my entire region continues to be judged based on outdated stereotypes and the ignorant actions of some people.

Cox's article, "We're Here, We're Queer, Y'all," makes the point that the South is not as filled with homophobia and bigotry as the abundant stereotypes out there make it out to be.  She writes that "you can be openly gay and accepted in the rural South." Her article is quite obviously about the rural south.  Yet, the letters to the editor selected for publication are all from writers who are first of all, mostly not currently living in the south, and second of all, mostly from writers who hail from big cities. One man writes from Atlanta, GA and calls the art circles of Louisville, G.A. the "upper crust."  I seriously spit my tea out at that one.  Maybe in the big city of Atlanta the art circles are the upper crust, but please allow me to assure you Mr. Tallman that in small, rural Southern towns there are usually about 2 families that constitute your "upper crust" and the rest of us are more likely to talk about them behind their backs than to rub elbows with them at some hoity-toity event.  It is very likely these art showings had such a large attendance because people in the rural South simply don't often get the chance to attend things like art gallery launches and boy, when such an opportunity does arise, we come out in droves!

Todd Lane, from PA, wrote a response that is particularly offensive to me.  We do not have a "giant Southern closet"! A "closet" suggests that people don't know you're gay and it's necessary to make great pains to keep your sexuality a secret.  As someone who grew up in a relatively small Southern town and spent a great deal of time in the rural South, please allow me to inform you that when you're gay in a small Southern town everybody knows you're gay and the vast majority of people do not care. I would know--considering I've dated women and done so pretty publicly right here in the South.

Cox acknowledges that many Southerners utilize euphemisms for their gay neighbors, often referring to gay partners as "friends" and gay men as "having sugar in their britches."  While that is certainly true, and more than one of my girlfriends was referred to as "my little friend,"  I was never offended by it and neither were any of them.  We were also not excluded from my community. And for the record, as a bisexual woman living in the South, I have also dated men and most of my boyfriends have also been referred to as "my little friend" too.  You want to know why?  Part of it is that some people don't want to make assumptions, so down here it is just more polite to say "and you can bring your friend too." Another part of it is, as Dr. Cox draws attention to in her article, Southerners use euphemisms for things that make them uncomfortable (and, I would add, things they consider impolite dinner conversation) and a lot of those things are directly related to notions of sinful behavior.  Living with someone out of wedlock, even to Southerners who advocate for gay marriage rights, is still sinful and therefore a little bit hush hush.

We have lots of euphemisms here.  True Southern ladies aren't likely to ever to listen to a story about you doing something they find incredibly moronic and then say, "Aren't you just stupid?"  Instead, most Southerners will look at you and say "Oh bless your heart."  Now everyone born and raised down here knows good and damn well "bless your heart" typically means something like "Oh boy, aren't you just dumb as a rock.," or "It sure is a shame your stupidity brought you some bad luck," or, occasionally it just means "Man that really sucks for you."

Our cultural desire to avoid blatant public rudeness, however, is not something I appreciate other people attacking.  I most particularly find it offensive when people who are not from this region and do not live here think they have a right to open their big mouths and spout off about the bigotry of the South.  I don't open my mouth and spout off absolutist negative statements about New Yorkers, so why do you people think it's okay to make sweeping general-isms about my region?

Does the South have a long way to go in eradicating racism and homophobia?  Yes, it does.  But so does the rest of the country.  Why don't you head on over to Arizona (a long shot from the Southeast) and tell me the South has the biggest problem with racism and homophobia?  How about Nebraska?  The truth is we all have a long way to go on a lot of things, and the Southeast is not your whipping boy for the sins of the nation (and yes, I stole that whipping boy comment from Dr. Cox).  So as a born and bred Southern lady I'm here to tell you oh bless your Yankee hearts and to ask you ever so kindly that until you decide to actually reside here,  please shut your pretty little mouths.