Controversy

Earlier this week I wrote a response to an anti-adoption blog post that I found particularly offensive.  I had originally commented on the person's blog (albeit not particularly nicely and certainly not in any PC fashion), but my initial comment generated such hateful responses that I decided to address the issue on my own blog.  My response has received nearly 1,200 page views in less than 4 full days.  I had no idea when I wrote it that it would cause such a stir.

Adoption is a hot button issue.  People have very strong feelings about it, myself included.  Many adoptees (in my opinion embittered adoptees) have responded to my blog.  The problem is that these individuals are misinterpreting something in my blog post and as a result I have been accused of thinking that Allison (the person whose post I responded to) does not have a right to her feelings. So many people have accused me of this that I feel the need to address that issue here.

First, I fully admit that my blog post was not friendly.  It was not a politically correct, warm and fuzzy kind of post.  My response was not kind.  I wrote it in a fit of self-admitted anger and I wrote the comments to Allison's blog in a similar emotional state.  I am a huge advocate for adoption and I take serious offense to statements that adoption is NEVER a good thing.  I don't believe that is true.  I think adoption can be a very wonderful experience for everyone involved.  I also take offense to notions that infertile people can't be good parents and that people who adopt are only doing so out of some incredibly selfish need to be parents.  I don't think there is anything selfish about being a parent.  Parenting is one of the most selfless acts in the world.  I take offense to these notions.  When I see someone blatantly dismiss the entire institution of adoption as some evil entity that should not be allowed to exist, well--I get pissed off.  Royally pissed off.

While I have already apologized for any hurt feelings my opinions may have caused, and while I will not apologize for having the views I do, I am sorry that something I said was misinterpreted in such a way as to be indicative that I would ever deem to dismiss anyone's emotions as meaningless.  I would never, ever do that.

Allison has every right to feel whatever way she feels and to hold whatever opinions she holds.  I disagree with her views, but I have never suggested that she doesn't have the right to have them.  I would never suggest such a thing.  One of my favorite quotations of all time is something Voltaire said.  Voltaire said, "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."  I agree with that quote wholeheartedly.  As an author I simply do not condone censorship of any kind and I believe you have the right to say and think what you will (even if I disagree).  My disagreement does not insinuate a belief that she does not have the right to her views.

I would also never dismiss Allison's feelings or the very real emotional turmoil I am sure both she and other adoptees experience.  On multiple occasions I even stated that I empathized with those feelings, and I certainly do.  I have had similar experiences to many adoptees and I was not raised by my biological parents.  I understand the feelings of abandonment that come with such a childhood.  I would never be dismissive of those feelings.  My childhood was not a bed of roses and I know the very real pain that can carry forth from childhood into adulthood.  I have had to find ways to come to terms with my own unpleasant experiences and emotions, and I would never dismiss someone's right to feel any which way they want to feel.

I do not, however, play the victim. I don't think using negative experiences as excuses to be bitter is a very healthy way to be.  I think you have to figure out what makes you bitter and fight that thing tooth and nail so you can have a happy and positive life.  It isn't always an easy fight, but it's a fight well worth undertaking.

Anyway, the point of this post is simply to state that I absolutely do not deny anyone the right to feel whatever they want to feel.  Nor do I deny anyone the right to believe whatever they want to believe.  That does not mean that I must agree with your views--it simply means that I uphold your right to possess differing views than my own.

I also do not hold any negative feelings for anyone I feel was hateful to me, nor do I wish Allison or any of her friends or supporters ill.  I wish them all the best and I hope that at some point they will at least be able to understand my views--even if they never agree with them.

I also hope we can all move on now.  I don't know about you, but I have better things to do than continue kicking a dead horse.