The Anti-Tech RANT

I am a theatre nerd.  I was a theatre techie.  I can stage manage a show like nobody's business.  I can run various lighting boards.  I can hang fresnels.  I can change gels.  I can run basic sound for productions.  I can call tech cues.  I can wrangle divas, dancers, and actors galore.  I can troubleshoot theatre tech issues all day long.

I am not, however, a tech geek.  I use my computer for the basic stuff everyone else does.  I know how to use Microsoft Office applications, desktop publishing software, and numerous work-related databases/record keeping thingies.  I can do internet research and I can build a basic website.  Past that don't ask me about computers.  I don't care how much giga-whatevers they have and I have no idea what any of that even means anyway.  I let my husband decide if the computer I want to buy has enough giga-whatevers and pixel-whoseits and gadget-whatsits. 

Today my computer at work malfunctioned BIG TIME.  First, it wouldn't let me log on to my work email.  I finally figured out how to fix that.  Then it wouldn't let me online.  After an hour, I finally managed to fix that issue.  Then the screen on the monitor went ultra-sensitive.  If I so much as tap my desk the whole screen blurs and everything vanishes.  I called IT.  The IT guy is on vacation.  Why is he always on vacation when my computer breaks? At the current moment my solution looks something like this:

• Screen goes blurry/vanishes and I can't read anything.
• I respond with profanity and lots of words I should not be using at work.  At least I am in the privacy of my own office today....
• The computer screen does not fix itself.
• I whack the computer screen and threaten it verbally until the monitor becomes readable again.

I'm not sure how much longer this method will continue to solve the problem.

My cell phone is also rebelling today.  The screen just went black.  Now I can't see anything--not my contacts, not my text messages, not a thing. NOTHING.  It's the black screen of death.  I turned it off and back on.  NOTHING. I took the battery out and put the battery back in. NOTHING.  I discovered I can still make calls, but I have no idea who I'm calling unless I actually know the number.  Threats and ultimatums are not inspiring my phone to cooperate. Perhaps I need a hostage negotiator...my mobile device is holding my contacts hostage.