Saying Goodbye

For certain is death for the born.

And certain is birth for the dead;

Therefore over the inevitable

Thou shouldst not grieve.

--Bhagavad Gita (500 BCE)

When the heart weeps for what it has lost;

the soul laughs for what it has found.

--Sufi aphorism

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.

--Buddha

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens;

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance...

--Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Today I will be leaving work early to attend a funeral. One of my best friends is living through every mother's worst nightmare.  Her baby died.  He did not even have three months upon this earth.  Words do not adequately express such sorrow.

Grief is complex, ever changing.  No two people share the same grief.  Each death brings with it new pain, different pain, from the last. 

I think death hurts the living much more than the dead, for our hearts are broken and our very souls feel fractured.  So we breathe in pain and loss and sorrow with each breath until we are filled with unspeakable heartache. 

I believe the dead are already at peace.  Their spirits fly away to some place that is wonderful beyond all imagining. 

But for now, we are filled with anguish.  What can I possibly say to help dissipate any of the agony that is so rightfully her's and so rightfully her husband's? 

Nothing.  Nothing I can say will ever make this pain go away.  So I will simply say what is in my heart today.

There was a miracle here.  Right here. On this earth.  For two and a half short months we got to experience a miracle.  Every breath he took was a miracle.  Every new sight he saw, every new experience he had, every cry he wailed, every bottle he drank, every smile he gave, every look he shared was a blessing.  His tiny hand curled about your finger, his tiny toes covered by tiny socks, his beautiful little face--this little baby was love incarnate.  He was hope and kindness and everything good in the whole world.  He was here to show us that goodness, that purity, that beauty.  And I saw it.  I saw it all--all the goodness in the world bound up inside this beautiful baby boy.

Today we will grieve him--our loss of him.  Today there is nothing I can say to assuage the pain every one will feel.  So I will say this instead:

May every tear be a balm upon your soul.

May every tear cleanse your wounded heart.

May every tear grant you solace and peace and love.