This is my personal blog. I write about my life experiences. I use it to vent. I use it to put my thoughts out there. I use it to make sense of the world around me....because that is what writing really is, isn't it? A way to make sense of the world around you? I certainly think so.
The opinions expressed herein do not reflect the views of anyone or anything associated with me. That said, I'm not likely to apologize or recant them. Read on!
Friendships are sacred. Friendships are also human, and being human these relationships are fraught with human error and mistakes. I am woman enough to admit that I have lost two friends in my lifetime largely due to my own (very human) errors. I handled situations poorly and while these two friends are not completely blameless I am woman enough to admit that my pride got in the way of repairing something that was totally repairable. I am sorry for these lost friendships, but I think perhaps broken friendships are simply a part of life.
I have, however, only lost one friendship due to the hurtful actions of another human being. Or at least that was the case until yesterday. I learned that some lines cannot be uncrossed nor certain words erased by "I'm sorry" in high school. In high school a girl I'd been friends with quite literally since we were in diapers stole jewelry out of my room when I let her stay the night with me. Stealing is definitely one of those lines you can't uncross--even with a sincere apology. Once trust is severed it is nigh impossible to get it back.
Yesterday I had my second experience of a life long friend ruthlessly murdering a friendship. It is simple really--there are certain words that can't be unspoken. There is a such thing as going too far, and it seems to me that going too far while hiding behind a keyboard is far more disrespectful than going too far while having the courage to go too far right to someone's face. It also seems to me that bottling up something that is bothering you until you blow up at a person is....well....your own fault and not mine, particularly when there have been countless opportunities to discuss the situation like rational adults in a face-to-face context prior to said disrespectful unprovoked online ugliness.
Further, putting a wedding before a friendship, and more importantly before another human being's health, is beyond the pale. That's right folks--an event was apparently important enough to destroy a lifetime friendship over. The whole thing is absurd.
I would really like to know how a tiny wedding with less than 10 people in attendance held on a different day, with different guests, in a different city, at a different venue, with a completely different theme in any way takes away from a grandiose wedding that costs ten grand and happens to come a few days later? Especially when the first wedding has to be moved to the new, earlier date because of health issues and when the wedding is going to be very low-key.
If anyone thinks one wedding has the ability to take away from another wedding then they have their head screwed on wrong. It is completely illogical and it makes no sense. I didn't have my panties in a bunch because originally she was going to be getting married before me. In fact, I held off on announcing my engagement and planning my own wedding until after nearly every single thing in her wedding was paid for (or at the very least held via deposits). I did that so she could have her time and she had her time, she still has her time. My wedding doesn't detract from that and if it does then holy cow what's the real issue here?
No one's wedding could possibly detract from mine. You know why? Because my wedding is about two people: me and Kenny. It isn't about anybody else. I don't need anyone fawning over me. That isn't what the sanctity of marriage is actually about anyway. That's why my wedding is so small and low-key. So for the life of me I cannot comprehend seeking to intentionally hurt and upset a person in a fragile medical state over a wedding date. It makes no sense. But things were said by this person that can never be detracted. Most of the time you have to wonder what part you might have played in ending a friendship, and most of the time both parties are guilty of something. But I don't have to wonder that this time. I have a written record to prove that I was not ugly and I am not the one who took this to an irrevocably malicious place. I've read over it three times--nope, not me.
I am often guilty of being a bitch. I am certainly guilty of using hurtful words intentionally. However, I am not guilty of either of those things this time. I think that kind of makes it worse. At least if I had been ugly about it then some of her behavior might have been warranted, but I wasn't so there is no excuse for blatantly seeking to upset a seriously ill person. The only thing I can figure is that this isn't really about the wedding. It's about something else entirely. Unfortunately, at this point I simply do not care because sometimes friendships can be broken beyond repair.
Now I've said my piece and there is no need for me to discuss this further. I'm sure some of the people reading this won't like it, and that's perfectly fine. You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with me. You are more than welcome to take the stance that a wedding is more important than a friendship and another person's health. That is your prerogative.
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