Last year was an incredible year. It was a year of learning and growing. It was a year filled with great love and great sacrifice. I simultaneously lost myself and found myself in my growing, round belly and the tiny, miraculous life therein.
I heard her angry cry and felt victorious even as my body turned cold and I lost consciousness. I was awash with indescribable fear and love as the world went black.
I spent the last bit of 2013 in the hospital. Once my health finally began to settle down it was time for Christmas and I was busy trying to scrape together last minute holiday plans and gifts for our daughters.
I never had time to simply be. I never had time to breathe. I never had time to process all that had happened to me, and processing it all...well, that's going to take a while.
So as 2014 gets started, I am processing and learning to accept part of my life story--a big, scary, wonderful chapter that I cannot change. Truthfully, I am not sure I would want to change it.
As I stare into my baby's eyes, I lose myself again. I lose myself in her. I lose myself in her smile and her laugh and her chatter. I lose myself in my love for her, and in these precious moments I think I exist simply to be her mother. I was born to bring her into this world. I am here because she is here.
This will be a year of reflection.
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