Dear Mr. President,
In a recent speech, while discussing exorbitant daycare costs, you said, "And sometimes, someone, usually mom, leaves the workplace to stay home
with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest
of her life as a result. And that’s not a choice we want Americans to
make." Now, you made plenty of good points during this speech, but, sir, this point was not one of them.
Daycare costs are ridiculous. Access to quality preschools is not available to all of us. You think all Americans should have ready access to quality daycare and preschool. I cannot argue with that rather lofty goal. It would certainly be nice if all American mothers who choose to work outside the home could rest assured that their children would be properly cared for and educated while they brought home the bacon.
However, I take umbrage with the overarching assumption that daycares and preschools of any quality could ever replace the advantages provided by time spent with a parent of either gender. A parent staying home with a child to serve as the primary caregiver for the first three years of their life is incredibly beneficial to children.
In fact, a fairly recent study found that increased group care of children under age two has lead to a rise in anti-social behavior in children. The Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health reported that children of a stay-at-home-parent are more likely to participate in group sports. Numerous medical studies have reported that children who stay home are less likely to get ill, and no one can argue with the simple fact that daycares and preschools are germ-farms where children pass around viruses with their runny noses and drooling, teething faces.
I know the stereotype, Mr. President. I know most people think stay-at-home-moms are undereducated women who couldn't afford daycare if they worked full time. I know some people think we're lazy. I know some people think stay-at-home-moms are selfish--unwilling to give up time with our children so those children can have the ever elusive "more" the rest of you are so busy chasing.
But I do not fit that stereotype, and neither do many of my stay-at-home-mom friends. I am very well educated. I hold multiple degrees, and next month I will hold one more--a Master of Arts in History. I have taught both children and adults, formally, in the halls of schools and universities, and informally, at historic sites and museums and libraries. The truth is, if I worked full time then I'd probably make more money than my husband does, and we could absolutely afford daycare and preschool. But I choose to stay home with my children because I firmly believe it is what is best for them. Got that? I am a very well educated woman with a ridiculously high IQ, and I choose to stay home with my children. After all, I thought that was what equality meant--that my educated, feminist arse had the right to choose to either work or stay home with my children. I thought you believed in that equality of choice. Obviously not.
Moreover, my children do not suffer because I stay home with them. They do not suffer by not attending preschools and daycares. I am an educator. I educate them at home. Last year my four year old tested out of public preschool. She passed our county's admission test with flying colors, and it was determined she did not need preschool. She was wait-listed and never admitted. You know why? Because I stayed home with her and I taught her one-on-one every single day. I gave her the kind of attention she cannot get in daycares and preschools--no matter how much the teachers wish they could give students that one-on-one attention. This year my now five year old is excelling in kindergarten. She is performing at a first grade level in all subjects. She is very intelligent, but some of her success is because I stayed home and I taught her myself. We do her homework together every single day after I pick her up from school. We play learning games and use our imaginations until dinner time. I feed her growth with my attention. She feeds my soul with her joy.
Yesterday my one year old used the potty four times. She just turned one last month. How many 13 month olds are using the potty in daycares? She also knows most of her body parts--eyes, ears, nose, head, mouth, teeth, toes, feet, belly, hands. She can identify tons of animals, shapes, food. She is developmentally ahead. She has been walking since she was 10 months old. She started cruising the furniture at 7 months old. I spend my day teaching her words, dancing with her, playing music, and finger painting. She is thriving.
I end every day thoroughly exhausted. Some days I long for adult conversation. Talking about cats with my cat-obsessed toddler is replaced by talking about princesses with my incredibly girly five year old, and by the time my husband gets home I long for sentences that contain more substance. I am often covered in baby food. I haven't been to the bathroom alone in years. My five year old barges in when I'm taking a shower and asks me if I have washed my butt. Two days ago my one year old puked on me and I walked around with vomit in my hair until my husband got home and pointed it out because I didn't know it was there. And, no, we most certainly cannot afford to go to Disney World this year or any time in the near future.
But you know what?
It's worth it. This choice I made to stay home--it is worth it. I spent my working life investing in other people's children, and in helping adults get the education they deserve. I miss that sometimes. But I am investing in my own children now, and I cannot think of anything more worthwhile of my time, energy, and effort than my babies. What I lack in funds, I make up for in kisses and hugs and giggles and grubby little dirty hands that hold my heart even as they hold my hand. Their successes are my successes, and I assure you that I have accomplished quite a lot in my 30 years on this earth. My children are your future, Mr. President. All children are our future. This is a choice I wish more women could make, not just for themselves or for their children--but for all of us. This is a choice we want Americans to make.
Sincerely,
A Well Educated Stay At Home Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment