True Tales of Divorce

I threw my copy of Eat Pray Love at the wall where it hit with a satisfying th-wunk before sliding down to the floor where it lay, looking lonely and abused. 

"Screw you Elizabeth Gilbert," I said to the empty room, "You may have gotten to run away from your divorce, but the rest of us have to stay and deal with the men we leave." 

The men who transform into gigantic walking, talking asshats because their precious pride is wounded.

I wiggled my freshly painted blue toes at the ceiling. My feet were resting against the white iron headboard of a full sized bed I'd had since high school--the only thing left in the world that truly belonged to me and hadn't come from a life I built with the wrong someone.  

My best friend's toddler waddled into her former playroom and climbed up to sit next to me.  I wrinkled my nose. What was that smell?

 "I needs a diaper Aunt Jenn Jenn," the tiny tot announced. 

I raised my eyebrows, "No kidding." 

I grabbed a diaper from the stack in the floor and pulled down her britches.  "Oh good god that's gross!" I said.  Stevie giggled.  I wish I was in Bali.

Day 26: A Book That Changed My Opinion About Something

I am taking part in the 30 Day Book Challenge.  Click the link to do it too (and add your blog to my meme)!  *could someone please tell me why my draft page reads "30 Day Book Challenge" and my actual blog page reads "96 Day Book Challenge"?  How do I fix this*

This is tough.  I read a lot of books.  A LOT OF BOOKS.  But do I really read a lot of books that change my opinion about something?  I mean it's not exactly easy to change my opinion.  I'm stubborn as an ox.  Once my mind is set it's pretty difficult to change it.  You'd have to present a pretty strong argument to sway me.


Surely no book has changed my convictions!  I thought there must not be one.  Then I thought but what if it's something more subtle, a subtle nudge of the mind?  Then I knew there was such a book, a book that gently nudged my opinion in a different direction.

That book is Eat Pray Love.  

I don't normally read these kinds of books.  Even as I purchased it I thought, "There might be a lot of hype about this book, but I bet it sucks." Then I read it.

When I read Eat Pray Love I was going through a rough patch.  Nothing in my life was going according to plan.  Nothing was working out the way I was convinced it was supposed to.  I wasn't happy, but I couldn't figure out why.  I wasn't miserable, but I thought a lit bit of misery might be better than all the apathy I'd wrapped myself up in.

I was 25 years old and I thought I was supposed to have it all figured out.  I was supposed to know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I was supposed to want kids RIGHT NOW because I had the husband and the house and everybody said kids were what I should be craving.  I was supposed to have a career and be climbing some sort of nonexistent ladder to gold and riches and professional recognition.  I was supposed to know it all and have it all and want it all.

Except I didn't.  I didn't know it all.  I didn't even know what kind of career I wanted.  I was laid off, unemployed, and unable to commit to a single career choice.  I didn't have it all.  What I had was a financial crunch and a pressing need to find some kind of work.  What I had was a mountain of indecision and lots of self doubt.  And I most certainly didn't want it all.  I absolutely did not want that child everyone was harping about.  I did not want to be a mother.  I did not want to be responsible for someone else when right then I couldn't even really feel responsible for my self.  How could I help a kid be whoever they wanted to be if I didn't even know what I wanted to be?

I was a mess.  I felt like a failure.  How could I not know what I wanted or why I wanted it or what kind of job I was destined for?  What kind of a useless human being was I?

Then I read Eat Pray Love and it was like a breath of fresh air.  It was like I could breathe again.  Here was this woman, this woman who was older than me, this woman who outwardly seemed to have it all.  Except she didn't.  She didn't know what she wanted either.  She didn't want it all either.  She was confused too. And she was over 30!  She was over 30 and she didn't know it all!  Wow. She wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing.  This chick was a big mess too!

With each page I slowly began to forgive myself.  If Elizabeth Gilbert didn't know it all in her early 30s then how was I supposed to know it all at 25?  If Elizabeth Gilbert only found happiness and contentment through doing what everyone said she wasn't supposed to do, then why did I feel like I should be doing anything specific at all?  If Elizabeth Gilbert could travel the world....oh wait.  Darn.  My bank account wouldn't allow for that.

But I did change my opinion about something pretty important by reading this book (even without traveling the globe)---myself.  I let go of my self loathing.  I didn't have to know it all.  I didn't have to do anything or be anyone or know everything or have it all or want it all or be it all and all of that was okay.  It wasn't the end of the world.  It didn't make me a failure.  It just made me human.

So thank you Elizabeth Gilbert.  Thank you for documenting your own meltdown and your journey to contentment.  I appreciate it. I hope I'll be as successful on my journey as you were.

Day 19: Favorite Book Turned Into a Movie

I'm taking part of the 30 Day Book Challenge.  Click the link to do it too (and add your blog to my meme)!

My first choice is obvious.  The movies are *almost* as good as the books.  In fact, the movies stick to the books much better than most books-to-film productions.  The casting was phenomenal too.  I am currently re-reading the entire series in anticipation of the final movie:

My second choice is a book I read after I watched the movie.  The movie was so great that I had to read the book, and the book didn't disappoint!

And my final choice is a book-turned-movie that I am in love with.  I don't know what I like better--the book or the movie.  I've read the book twice.  I've watched the movie twice.  I'm about to reread and rewatch both for a third time.  If you haven't read it then you should (or at the very least you should watch the movie):