Look to your right. This is a photo of my three year old tying her shoes for the first time. It's not perfect. Her bows are messy and uneven. They often come untied. But she is THREE YEARS OLD and can tie her own shoes.
Issa is a very bright little girl, but tying shoes is a learned skill. It is a basic skill children should be taught as soon as possible. It is a skill THEIR PARENTS should teach them.
If you are a single parent and you have your child most of the time, then that means it falls on you. If you share joint custody or your child lives with both parents then it is the responsibility of both parents to teach shoe tying. It is NOT their teacher's job to teach them to tie their shoes. It is YOUR JOB as their parent to TEACH THEM BASIC SKILLS LIKE SHOE TYING!
I am so annoyed that I even have to write this blog. What in hell is wrong with some people? I don't care if you're not supposed to judge other parents. If you want to call yourself a parent then you should damn well teach your kid to tie their shoes! It's YOUR JOB! If you have a 7+ year old child walking around with no disabilities who is unable to tie their own shoes then you're guilty of lazy parenting. You are guilty of failing your child in a pretty major way. You are guilty of failing to teach your child a basic life skill, and I will judge you. I will judge you harshly, and so will everyone else who finds out your kid can't tie their shoes. The only difference is I will judge you to your face. Other people will just whisper about you behind your back.
Oh he's only 7. He'll learn to tie his shoes later! WRONG! If you don't teach him now then no one else is going to teach him and he will be mighty embarrassed at 17 to be walking around in shoes without laces because his lazy ass parent(s) failed to teach him to tie his shoes.
Shoe tying is not that hard to teach. It just takes patience. Let me tell you how I taught Issa to tie her shoes. Your very first step is buy your kid some shoes with laces and make them wear those shoes every single day. Get rid of the lazy velcro and slip on shoes tthat are easier for you but don't teach your children anything!
First, I erased "I can't" from her vocabulary. Any time Issa says "I can't!" or "I don't know how!" or anything even remotely similar to that I say the same thing, "You can. You can do anything you put your mind to. We don't say can't. We don't say don't know. We practice and we learn and we do because we can." Do not let your child stop doing something because it's hard and they don't know how. If they tell you it's hard you tell them to practice until it's not hard anymore. Or, you know, you could just let them quit because it's hard and you don't want to listen to them whine. But what does that do? What does that teach them? It teaches them to be lazy quitters! And I don't know about you but I am certainly not in the business of raising a bunch of lazy quitters.
Second, I told her what I was doing every single time I tied her shoes. I bought her shoes with laces and every single time I tied them I said, "First you make an X. Then you tuck it under the x and pull tight! Make yourself a bunny ear but leave the bunny a long tail. Run the other bunny around the tree (the bunny ear you just made) and the bunny hops into the hole, then you pull his bunny ear through the other side of the hole and pull tight! Now you've got two big bunny ears!" No, this story does not make a lick of sense to our grown up brains. It's silly and it's kind of lame. But it makes sense to a child. It gives them words to hear as you actually do the actions. They see it and they hear it every time you tie their shoes. You tell them to watch and listen. You be patient. That's your job. That's what you do.
After you've done this several times start having your child tell you what to do and what comes next!! Help them memorize the story!
Third, let them tie the x. You have to teach them the first step first (duh). Let them tie the x and pull tight. Let them do it over and over again. Praise them when they get that part right. Tell them what a good job it is.
Then let them try the bunny ears. They will get it wrong, but they'll learn to make the first bunny ear (the loop they're going to run the other bunny around) and when they get that part right you tell them that's great. Praise them again. Don't be negative! Don't do it for them. Don't just say, "Let me do it. You're too slow." Just tell them how proud you are that they're trying. And do not forget to ALWAYS ask them what comes next so they will remember the steps of shoe tying!
Fourth, let them try it on their own. Get up a little early or get them ready to leave the house a little early, and let them sit in the floor and try over and over and over again until they either get it right or you have to help so you can leave. But always let them do the parts they know themselves--let them tie the x and make the first bunny ear!
Lastly, be consistent. Always make them do the part they know. Then watch them while they try the other part and ask them "What comes next?" Don't tell them what comes next. Don't tell them what they're doing wrong. Always ask them first. You do the x and then what? You make the bunny ear and then what? "I don't know!" Your response should always be, "Yes you do." Then if you ask three times and they still don't know that's when you say, "Okay so you do the x and then you make the bunny ear and then you run the bunny around the tree....and then what?" And let them try some more. Let them try over and over and over again. Let them try when you get home and they don't need to do anything else urgently. Let them try until they don't want to try anymore, and then tell them to try one more time. Then have them try at least two more times, and if they still don't get it right then let them stop for a while.
You do these steps over and over and over again until one day your child says, "I'm going to tie my shoes all by myself. I can do it." And you know what? 5 days after you started this process or 10 days or 80 days...it doesn't matter...some day your child will say they can do it alone and they will! And you will be so proud, and your child will be so proud, and you should both celebrate on this day because it's a big deal and you both did it.
Don't be a lazy, impatient parent. Your child deserves better. Your child deserves a parent who cares enough to teach them to tie their shoes. Do your job. Teach your child to tie their shoes. Teach your child their ABCs and 123s and how to write. Teach them how to count. Teach them how to add. Teach them not to quit.
