Not Our Circus

 I do not understand the need to alienate a child from their parents.  

As a person certified in Trauma Informed Care, as much as I try to shift my view to a "what happened to you" stance to understand this behavior, I know that no amount of trauma excuses the outcome of putting your own trauma upon your child in this manner.  

I know that children, particularly teenagers, need a parent and not a BFF.  

I know that children need and deserve relationships with both parents and that includes bonus parents who have been there the majority of their lives--not just brand new people who've swooped in recently to develop relationships with their mother and coincidentally the child in question.  

Alienating a child from their father, and consequently all of that child's only existent siblings, is just...well...gross. 

So is failure to establish boundaries for acceptable behaviors, failure to encourage personal growth and stepping outside of comfort zones sometimes to better oneself, and failure to acknowledge serious health concerns to the detriment of said child.

I've been so traumatized by the toxicity of the coparenting relationship with these people and their negative impact on our family, and our teenager, that I had to reenter therapy...

My therapist told me I need to establish my own firm boundaries and that includes stopping communication with all toxic parties, including my teenager.  She's right.  She said any guilt or sadness I feel is because I'm actually a good mom and a decent human, but I deserve to take care of myself and to be treated with respect and kindness.  People who refuse to do that and to acknowledge all I've done do not deserve my continued presence.  She is right about that too.  It was a tearful, but enlightening session.  

I'm letting go.  

I believe one day our sixteen year old will realize the damage her own mother and her mother's boyfriend have done, and then they will all have to contend with that.

For the moment, however, it's not our circus.