Way back in April I decided to give the whole positive thinking thing a try. Some days it's really easy to be happy and stay positive. Some days, though, it's tough.
Yesterday I discovered my dream job was available. When I was five years old I went with my family to this beautiful old plantation outside of Charleston, SC. It was closed that day, but the grounds were open. The house towered above my diminutive child's height, it's gray roof held up by ornate Corinthian columns. Windows with waves of old glass lined a deep front porch and a worn but welcoming wood door stood guard at the entrance. Trees as tall as skyscrapers stretched toward a blue sky and sunlight spilled in golden puddles across the shaded lawn. It was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. I never wanted to leave.
"I want to live here when I grow up," I breathed.
"Well you can't. Nobody can. But maybe if you're lucky you can work here," my grandpa said.
And I never forgot it. That plantation house is the reason I decided to intern at a local historic site as an undergrad. It's the reason I entered public history and began graduate work in museum studies. Yesterday I discovered that there's a position available at that plantation house....and my experience and education exceed all of the qualifications required. I actually have a shot at working at my dream house.
I was ecstatic. Until I called my family. I mistakenly assumed they would be as excited as I was (or they would at least fake it).
"That's a fun place to visit, but you don't want to work there!"
"Museums don't pay much do they?" "
"That place is eat up with mosquitoes! You wouldn't like working there!"
"Who would want to live there? No one would want to live there."
Yes, those are actual comments from my relatives. Not one positive word. No "That's great! You should apply!" Or "Wow, Jenn! It would be really cool to work there." Nope. None of that. Just criticism and negativity.
And just like that my joy was gone, replaced by sadness and doubt. I was deflated.
My husband came home and he asked, "Have you applied for the job yet?"
"No. I'm not sure if I should now," I said, explaining my family's doubts and their negative commentary on my excited announcement.
"Why do you let them do that?" he asked.
Hmmm. Why do I let them do that? I always call with news that excites me, but every time I dial one of their numbers I find myself holding my breath and hoping the person on the other end of the line will say something nice in response.
It was like a light bulb went off. I shouldn't have to do that! I know they don't even realize how incredibly negative they are. They have no understanding of their own negativity, or the impact that negativity has on me and everyone else around them. But I shouldn't have to be subjected to such negative feedback--not when I'm happy about something....not ever, really.
But how do I stop it? How do I free myself of this negativity? Maybe I just shouldn't pick up the phone to call. I should share my joy with people who will reciprocate it. But then I feel guilty for not trying to share my excitement with them. But should I feel guilty? Should I feel guilty for trying to avoid negativity?
I truly believe positive thinking works. You get back what you put out there. Maybe that sounds hippy-dippy and new age nuts to some of you, but I tell you it works. What goes around does come around and I want to send positive, happy vibes out so they'll come back to me.
I can't make other people try to be happier, more positive people. I can't be responsible for other people's reactions to the world around them. But I can be responsible for me and for what I put out there--and that starts with surrounding myself with happy, positive thinking individuals. That starts with calling people who will say, "Wow, Jenn. That's a great opportunity. You should go for it." That starts with realizing it's okay to be happy, and then allowing myself to be happy. Happiness starts with me.
You have to claim your own happiness. You are responsible for yourself. You can choose to surround yourself with positive people. You can choose to own your happiness. And that's what I'm doing--I'm owning my happiness.
