Taking Out The Trash

Photo courtesy of www.mylot.com

When I was in high school I got into a fight with a girl I thought was my best friend.  She'd slept with my boyfriend and I was understandably very angry and upset about it.  When I told my great granny about it she just looked me right in the eye and said, "Sometimes you just have to take out the trash. No one needs trash in their life."   She was straightforward, my granny, and she didn't mince words.  Maybe that's where I get it from.  It's been several years since that conversation, but I've really taken that advice to heart this year.

You see, when you go through something tough you really find out who your true friends are. I think going through a divorce shines a mirror on your entire life and shows you things you never saw before (and might not have really wanted to see).

You find out that you have hidden gems and people who weren't that close to you become best friends.  You find out people you thought were best friends are really "the trash" that you need to eliminate.  You find out that a lot of the material crap you thought you needed was really just weighing you down.  You find out what it means to be brave. You find out that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. You find out that you make your own happiness.  You find out what it means to be YOU again.

This year I have surrounded myself with supportive, loving people.  These people make me a better person.  They make me smile. They'll hold my hand while I cry.  Their presence makes me happy.  I feel blessed to have these people in my life.

Anyone who weighed me down, who didn't make me a better person, who did not make me happy--I eliminated from my life. If I didn't feel like you were a blessing, then I decided you weren't worth my time. I made a choice to get rid of the fair weather "friends" and the immature people and the negative folks.  I  made a choice to cut out selfishness and shallowness, and to stop being friends with hypocrites and judgmental people. I also cut out excess in my own life.  This was the best decision of my entire life.

In cutting out all the crap, I found myself again.  And you know what?  I like myself.  I like who I am.  I like where my life is right now.  I like where I am and who I choose to spend my time with.  I've fallen in love with life again.  It's amazing. 

So this post is me letting go.  I mean really letting go--letting go of all the anger and resentment and sadness and ill will directed toward other people.  All that stuff just weighs me down, and I deserve to be light and happy.  So I'm letting it go.  I'm so blessed, why do I need to hang on to all this negativity?  I don't.

I'm going to share a tiny piece of my happiness with you. I had a photoshoot last weekend and it was amazing.  I was fortunate enough to have one of the best pinup photographers in the world photograph me.  I am so blessed.  I've always wanted to have pinups done, and now I have.  Here's one just for you:

Don't Let Others Steal Your Joy

"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."--Voltaire

Way back in April I decided to give the whole positive thinking thing a try.  Some days it's really easy to be happy and stay positive.  Some days, though, it's tough. 

Yesterday I discovered my dream job was available.  When I was five years old I went with my family to this beautiful old plantation outside of Charleston, SC.  It was closed that day, but the grounds were open.  The house towered above my diminutive child's height, it's gray roof held up by ornate Corinthian columns.  Windows with waves of old glass lined a deep front porch and a worn but welcoming wood door stood guard at the entrance.  Trees as tall as skyscrapers stretched toward a blue sky and sunlight spilled in golden puddles across the shaded lawn.  It was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen.  I never wanted to leave.

"I want to live here when I grow up," I breathed.  

"Well you can't.  Nobody can.  But maybe if you're lucky you can work here," my grandpa said. 

And I never forgot it.  That plantation house is the reason I decided to intern at a local historic site as an undergrad.  It's the reason I entered public history and began graduate work in museum studies.  Yesterday I discovered that there's a position available at that plantation house....and my experience and education exceed all of the qualifications required.  I actually have a shot at working at my dream house. 

I was ecstatic.  Until I called my family.  I mistakenly assumed they would be as excited as I was (or they would at least fake it).

"That's a fun place to visit, but you don't want to work there!" 
"Museums don't pay much do they?"  "
"That place is eat up with mosquitoes! You wouldn't like working there!"
"Who would want to live there?  No one would want to live there."

Yes, those are actual comments from my relatives.  Not one positive word.  No "That's great! You should apply!" Or "Wow, Jenn!  It would be really cool to work there."  Nope. None of that.  Just criticism and negativity. 

And just like that my joy was gone, replaced by sadness and doubt.  I was deflated. 

My husband came home and he asked, "Have you applied for the job yet?"

"No.  I'm not sure if I should now,"  I said, explaining my family's doubts and their negative commentary on my excited announcement.

"Why do you let them do that?" he asked.

Hmmm.  Why do I let them do that?  I always call with news that excites me, but every time I dial one of their numbers I find myself holding my breath and hoping the person on the other end of the line will say something nice in response. 
 
It was like a light bulb went off.  I shouldn't have to do that!  I know they don't even realize how incredibly negative they are.  They have no understanding of their own negativity, or the impact that negativity has on me and everyone else around them.  But I shouldn't have to be subjected to such negative feedback--not when I'm happy about something....not ever, really.

But how do I stop it? How do I free myself of this negativity?  Maybe I just shouldn't pick up the phone to call.  I should share my joy with people who will reciprocate it. But then I feel guilty for not trying to share my excitement with them.  But should I feel guilty?  Should I feel guilty for trying to avoid negativity? 

I truly believe positive thinking works.  You get back what you put out there.  Maybe that sounds hippy-dippy and new age nuts to some of you, but I tell you it works.  What goes around does come around and I want to send positive, happy vibes out so they'll come back to me. 

I can't make other people try to be happier, more positive people.  I can't be responsible for other people's reactions to the world around them.  But I can be responsible for me and for what I put out there--and that starts with surrounding myself with happy, positive thinking individuals.  That starts with calling people who will say, "Wow, Jenn.  That's a great opportunity. You should go for it."  That starts with realizing it's okay to be happy, and then allowing myself to be happy.  Happiness starts with me. 

You have to claim your own happiness.  You are responsible for yourself.  You can choose to surround yourself with positive people. You can choose to own your happiness.  And that's what I'm doing--I'm owning my happiness.