Life HAPPENS: transformation

I used to be a really angry person.  I was catty.  I had a very short fuse. I could react immaturely to certain circumstances.  I was not the nicest person in the world, that's for damn sure!  But then something happened.  I changed my life.

It wasn't easy.  In a lot of ways it was an uphill battle. In some ways it still is. But now heading uphill doesn't seem so terrible.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm finally cresting the hill.

A lot of people do not agree with the process through which I discovered my happiness.  Some people seem to think I am supposed to be miserable until my divorce is finalized.  I was apparently supposed to sit around all alone and sulk for at least a full year.  I was supposed to sob and cry and feel bad for myself. I should (according to some people) be wallowing in self pity right now as I write this.

People do not seem to understand that LIFE HAPPENS no matter what's going on.  My world did not stop turning just because I decided to leave my husband.  I was trapped in an unhappy marriage for 7 years. I was unhappy for the better part of a decade.  That isn't an exaggeration.  That's the truth.  And I was unhappy right after I left.  I grieved my mistakes and the marriage I wish I had had, but I didn't have.  I wished things had turned out differently, but you know what?  Things didn't turn out differently.

So one day I stopped feeling bad for myself.  I stopped being angry.  I let go of the bitterness and I stopped hating myself for leaving.  I stopped hating my husband for making me feel like I had to stay as long as I did stay.  I just stopped with the negativity.  I dried my tears and I stood up and I decided to be happy.

That's right:  I DECIDED to be happy.  The first step to my renewed happiness was a complete overhaul of my attitude, and most particularly my selfish materialism.  I wanted to simplify my life.  So I did.  No cable. No home phone.  No new clothes. No new designer handbags.  No new shoes. I didn't buy anything that wasn't absolutely essential.  I lived that way for a month.  I didn't make a big deal of it.  I didn't tell anyone I was doing it, but I did it.

I'm glad I did too.  It taught me that I really don't need all of the "stuff" I thought I "needed" to be happy.  None of the material things I gave up improved the quality of my life.  I still don't have a home phone or cable.  I don't think I'll ever have either again.  I have more time to do truly important things--things that actually do improve my quality of life--because I'm not sitting around chatting on the phone or flipping 200 channels on the tv.  I'm sure I'll eventually cave on the handbag, but I don't feel like I need a Coach bag to prove anything to anyone anymore and that's a pretty big deal.

I also cut a lot of people out of my life.  Some of them acted in ways that effectively cut themselves from my life.  If you were not supportive, overly negative, insistent upon telling me how to live my life, judgmental, or immature then I decided that I did not need you in my life.  That was the hardest part of this transformation--realizing who my real friends were and leaving the not so real friends in the dust.  But it was worth it too because I am no longer constantly angry or driven by a need to keep up with the Jones's (so to speak).  I am completely convinced my new self awareness and my new brighter (and much more positive) outlook on life has a lot to do with shedding the negative people in my life.

One of those people recently tweeted a passive aggressive comment about me.  I know it was about me because I know her very, very well--she was once my "best friend" or at least I thought she was.  The old me would have blown a gasket over her catty remark, and I must admit to an initial spark of white hot anger.  But that anger quickly faded and was replaced with sadness, sadness for her not for me.

You see, I no longer care what other people think of my life.  I no longer care what she thinks of my life or my choices.  I don't care because I am finally really and truly joyful.  I am blissful. I am at peace.  I am at peace with myself and my life and my choices.  I am peaceful and so other people's opinions on my life no longer affect me.

I am sad for her.  I have changed so momentously in six short months, and she is still the same angry, catty, passive aggressive person she always was.  I've moved on to greener pastures and her remarks prove she hasn't done that yet.  I hope she does soon.  I hope she finds herself, and I hope she finds the inner peace and happiness that  I have fought for and been blessed with. I hope my ex finds that peace too.

You know why?  Because life is good.  It really is.  And I'm going to enjoy mine.

lifeisgood.com

Taking Out The Trash

Photo courtesy of www.mylot.com

When I was in high school I got into a fight with a girl I thought was my best friend.  She'd slept with my boyfriend and I was understandably very angry and upset about it.  When I told my great granny about it she just looked me right in the eye and said, "Sometimes you just have to take out the trash. No one needs trash in their life."   She was straightforward, my granny, and she didn't mince words.  Maybe that's where I get it from.  It's been several years since that conversation, but I've really taken that advice to heart this year.

You see, when you go through something tough you really find out who your true friends are. I think going through a divorce shines a mirror on your entire life and shows you things you never saw before (and might not have really wanted to see).

You find out that you have hidden gems and people who weren't that close to you become best friends.  You find out people you thought were best friends are really "the trash" that you need to eliminate.  You find out that a lot of the material crap you thought you needed was really just weighing you down.  You find out what it means to be brave. You find out that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. You find out that you make your own happiness.  You find out what it means to be YOU again.

This year I have surrounded myself with supportive, loving people.  These people make me a better person.  They make me smile. They'll hold my hand while I cry.  Their presence makes me happy.  I feel blessed to have these people in my life.

Anyone who weighed me down, who didn't make me a better person, who did not make me happy--I eliminated from my life. If I didn't feel like you were a blessing, then I decided you weren't worth my time. I made a choice to get rid of the fair weather "friends" and the immature people and the negative folks.  I  made a choice to cut out selfishness and shallowness, and to stop being friends with hypocrites and judgmental people. I also cut out excess in my own life.  This was the best decision of my entire life.

In cutting out all the crap, I found myself again.  And you know what?  I like myself.  I like who I am.  I like where my life is right now.  I like where I am and who I choose to spend my time with.  I've fallen in love with life again.  It's amazing. 

So this post is me letting go.  I mean really letting go--letting go of all the anger and resentment and sadness and ill will directed toward other people.  All that stuff just weighs me down, and I deserve to be light and happy.  So I'm letting it go.  I'm so blessed, why do I need to hang on to all this negativity?  I don't.

I'm going to share a tiny piece of my happiness with you. I had a photoshoot last weekend and it was amazing.  I was fortunate enough to have one of the best pinup photographers in the world photograph me.  I am so blessed.  I've always wanted to have pinups done, and now I have.  Here's one just for you: